A woman asked me to address this topic. For some of you women reading this, it’s no issue for you to believe in yourself. But for some women reading this they have not been surrounded by believing mirrors in their life. They have had so much pinned on them by toxic people in their childhood, bullied or raped in high school, and maybe a college failure, and or into a marriage or career that has not gone as they had expected.
If you have not had others try to change you, dictate to you who you are, or pin their garbage on you through projecting, then I suggest you STOP right now, look up, and thank your Almighty Father God.
In my own journey I had believing mirrors all around me up until the age of 25 years old. Then I became the target of another person’s projecting. The medical definition of project from Merriam Webster’s Online Dictionary means, “to attribute or assign (something in one’s own mind or a personal characteristic) to a person or group.” So people try to pin their own thoughts, ideas, or issues on YOU! And many women and men have been tainted by other’s venom.
So we women have work to do to begin to believe in oneself. And take back our life to live!
And the best one that can help us believe in oneself is our Creator Himself! Enable Me, Lord, to Shift—from insecurity . . . to chosen
just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world… (Ephesians 1:4a NASB)
Remember the childhood game, “Red Rover, Red Rover, send Annie right on over?” Your name is shouted out, called out, desired, needed, and chosen from the opposite team. Blood rushed through your veins as you made a mad dash to the other side to break through their linked arms in order to capture a player. You grabbed the opposing team member and took them back to your side as the conquering victor. It was a “chosen” moment.
More than a childhood “chosen” moment is when a woman allows the truth into the core of her being. She is a chosen daughter of the King of Kings. Receiving this one truth is like pouring love cement down into her foundation creating a solid rock of stability.
Before He created the universe, the Lord Himself had His designer eye on you. He thought of you. And chose you to be in an intimate relationship with Himself, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world. He formed you. Can you receive this truth right into your heart? This heart shift is bedrock to getting away from grinding the gears of insecurity.
Whether it means getting picked for a worship team spot, a speaking engagement, landing a job, an adoption placement, a date, a girlfriend relationship, an invitation to a party, a coffee date, or a Bible study, women long to know they were chosen, desired, and invited. However, once you receive the truth deep within, He chose you, you will not be gripped by the hands of insecurity. Instead, you are cemented into His everlasting security.
Try taking a bubble bath and soak and saturate in this one truth, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world. I am hand-picked, cherry-picked, selected, chosen, and preferred, indeed. Would it not make a difference? Try it!
So how do I believe in myself? THREE TIPS!
- Open your Bible.
- Start with the Truth. The above verse, pray it, believe it, chew it, swallow it until you know it!
- Be coached to have the truth move from your head to your heart! Darlene offers payment plans! Be Coached By Darlene to discover all of YOU and LIVE!
In order to change we must look at our life
and evaluate it to the standard of Truth!
Let’s go to work!
The smiles of many Christian women have faded. Thousands of women are serving in churches in the name of Jesus. Yet, beneath their masked smiles, doubt, fear, exhaustion, and questions battle.
I know because the battle was mine. “Is God relevant for me today?” “Is it worth my time and effort to pick up a Bible?” “Does Scripture speak to the pain I’m facing?”
Women today are caught in a frantic cycle of “doing all” to “fix it all.” Their struggle to juggle the should-haves, ought-tos, you betters, and need-tos, leads to endless busyness. Our motives may vary, but we are living fast-paced, fear-driven lives as we frantically scour the web or shopping aisles for peace neatly wrapped up in pleasure. We try hard to keep up, and fight to keep others from seeing our struggle
Decades ago, my father taught me to drive an old stick-shift farm truck. At first I couldn’t feel the nuances of the vehicle. I fought to grind the gears from first to third. Then in frustration, I’d sit and idle in agitation. It wasn’t until I learned to feel the rhythms of the engine that I mastered the lesson.
This has been the story of my walk with God. For too many years I struggled to go forward, but was jerked backwards because of the lies from abuse. Only as I learned to listen to God’s voice and shift my movements to his Truth have I learned to live, really live.
In order to change, we must look at who we are and evaluate our life right.
- What lies do you believe about yourself?
- What lies do you believe about God?
- What lies do you believe about others?
Jesus is the enabler for freedom living. And I so happen to have been blessed with learning His Word while living in toxicity and having deep emotional pain. He heals. He leads. His Word Works. be coached to discover YOU!
Here are a few lies I hear often from women:
- I am not good enough.
- I can not do that.
- I am too old.
- Impossible to step.
- Someone else can do that.
- I am not smart enough.
- How, I have no money.
- I do not know how to do that.
- It is too late in life for me.
- At this stage of life?
- … and many more.
If you prefer to be coached in a group join me October 16th for 60 minutes in a class over your cell… Valued at $90.00 and is only $37.00! Contact me today!
Acknowledge the lies you live from.
Confess the lie and learn the truth instead.
Take inventory of the damage the lie(s) are doing to your life. ACT today! SHIFT TO LIVE!
Enable me, Lord, to shift . . . from busyness
. . . to the good part, which shall not be taken away. . .
…but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.
(Luke 10:42 NASB)
We read of Mary and Martha in the scriptures. The sisters demonstrated opposite tasks. We compare. Raise one up and beat the other down. Two women, one kitchen, one in charge, I would bow out too if Martha was on edge. I have been there, a Martha that is, and I didn’t even like my own company.
Martha was stressed and preparing the meal for Jesus. Mary chose to stop, drop, and sit at the feet of Jesus, but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her. Mary listened, received, and chose the good part.
Today women scurry here and there as well. It’s adrenaline addiction. A counterfeit way of life, covers the holes in the soul creating a deeper vacuum that eventually will need to be filled. Will you stop long enough, and allow Him to fill you?
I did, and allowed Him access to me. I dove into the Word, tutored, trained, and tested. I grew-up and stood up on the pages of scripture. Most women definitely would not have signed up for my life experiences.
This passage of scripture tugs on my heart lovingly. You see my own father said to me, No one can take your education away from you. Of course, he meant my formal education. Yet if he were alive today and knew the rest of my story he would sigh with sadness at his prophetic words and might add, or your life experiences, and then he would learn and understand why Mary’s posture won me over, but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”
Will you join Mary and me?
- Are you a Martha or a Mary?
- Have you chosen the good part?
- What one step can you do to make a shift to sit, read the Word, and listen to Jesus?
Hop on over to be coached to discover YOU!
This is how!
I believe in God. I believe in the Word of God, the Bible. And I believe God created me. I also recognize I am a sinner. And saved because of Jesus Christ’s selfless love and for taking my punishment and shedding his blood for me on Calvary. By receiving Him as my Savior, I became His child, and the Holy Spirit resides within me.
This blog is dedicated to what the Holy Spirit can do in and through a believers life if we stay submitted to the Lord and obey Him.
Jesus was my HOW and WAY!
Easy? No. Hard? Yes. Pain filled? Yes. Perfect? No, only Jesus is.
But Truth wins and God’s ways work. I survived it by reading and applying the Word to my mind. And in this devotional book and closed coaching group I will teach you what I learned. Sow the Word of God to your heart one verse at a time to change up your life and LIVE!
It’s S-T-R-E-T-C-H and GROW time!
I invite you to JOIN ME! S-T-R-E-T-C-H and GROW with Coach Darlene. I am so excited to offer this BRAND NEW coaching group devotional time.
It will take place in a private Facebook Coaching Page. There you will receive a daily devotional from my book, Enable me, Lord, to shift. Are you stuck in idle? Learn how to shift into Truth—and live!
Each devotional contains, one verse, a short story, with three coaching questions for you to answer. Sow the truth into your heart and shift into Truth—and live! In September the devotionals will deal with the spiritual domain of our life. In other words, how is your relationship with God? Are you growing spiritually?
You will learn:
- God’s Word, one verse at a time
- Learn what it looks like to apply the verse through a short story.
- Three coaching questions for you to answer and then to begin to apply the verse to your life.
- Private Facebook Group so you can be encouraged with other women responding to their daily devotional.
- I will post once a day to encourage you along!
- And for one hour in the month of September I will offer a Coach Call to the entire group.
- All of this is for $30.00 for one month! What fun! Join me! Darlene@Heartswithapurpose.com
Here is a sample of a devotional for you to read.
Enable me, Lord, to Shift—from thinking I started our relationship
. . . when You, my Father, have been drawing me
No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him . . .John 6:44a NASB
God is the Creator and master designer of our lives. If we are deceived into believing that our spiritual relationship begins with us, it puffs us up and puts us in a self-righteous position. A better than God mentality. The scripture is clear No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him . . .
Here are snapshots of how God drew me.
I was in His plan and you are too. He allowed my parents to conceive and they delivered a third daughter. I grew, and my mom took me to Sunday school and church. By reciting the Lord’s Prayer during church the Word began to be sown into my heart. And during Vacation Bible School I learned the books of the Bible, so I could win in a sword drill game. Not the best motive, but none the less I began to open up my Bible. And God kept feeding His Word into my life as several Bibles were gifted to me throughout my growing up years.
Then a painful life-reality hit. Death. I had two questions for God, will I see Grandma again? How do I know I will go to heaven? I was 12 years old and God was on the hunt for a soul—mine.
Life zipped on. Before I went off to college my basketball coach challenged me, “Read your Bible,” what a God-sign, No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him…
I knew there was a God and that the world didn’t just happen, and I didn’t come from a monkey. Just study the intricacies of our bodies. And the inner craving and longing to make sense with our lives are tell-tale signs of a divine purpose. After all He knows the number of hairs on my head, where I live, what my life purpose is, and when I’ll take my last breath. Why would I not want a relationship with my Creator?
· Have you thought your relationship started with you seeking God, first?
· Write down people, camps, vacation bible school, books, verses, experiences, and songs that pointed you to Jesus.
· What do your answers tell you about His desire for you to be in a relationship with Him?
Let me know how this empowered you, friend? Learn with me. I count it a privilege.
“Do not be too ready to do, just be.”
“This is one of the marks of a truly safe person: they are confrontable.”
― Henry Cloud, Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t
As a youngster, I recall getting off the school bus and entering the farmhouse. My Mom was
busy making and baking food for her family. Five kids rushed in to jabber. Who would get
listened to? I don’t recall, but I doubt it was me. I tended to be passive. Other voices were louder.
In my home my parents didn’t argue much and if they did, they handled their issues behind
closed doors. So, as an adult, I was clueless how to confront for a healthy outcome. Once
married and after voicing simple requests day after day, year after year that were ignored, I
recoiled and stuffed the mounting frustration and anger.
When I did confront, I was browbeaten down with a raised voice, red face, and/or accusations
that I was judging or self-righteous by asking simple questions. Others words and reactions
bowled me over. Confused, I bowed in fear.
I continued to hide the reactions to situations that
made me uncomfortable since I was not listened to. Scenes and situations piled up inside of
me. Yet scripture says, “but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him
who is the head, even Christ” (Ephesians 4:15, NASB). And it was time for me to grow up!
Is it possible to confront without fear? Yes, it is.
Is it possible to confront in love? Yes, it is.
Is it possible to tell the truth, even though it might hurt someone, yet do it with kindness?
Yes, it is.
Is it possible to avoid confrontation all together in life? No, it’s not.
necessary that we learn how to confront and do it in a healthy way. Then we can live fear-free of
confronting people. Stand tall when you confront!
First, let’s assess your confrontation capabilities.
Any grade, A, B, C, D, E, F
1. I know how to stand up for myself. _____
2. I know how to keep my mind focused when a confrontation arises. _____
3. I know how to actively listen. _____
4. I know how to speak the truth with kindness. _____
5. I know how to say, “No.” _____
6. I know how to focus when others speak lies or go on the attack. _____
7. I know how to address a controlling and angry person. _____
8. I know how to keep my body language under control during a confrontation. _____
9. I know how to face the person and voice purposeful intentional words. _____
10. I know how to walk away from a confrontation and be well, even if the other
person does not agree with me. _____
How well do you confront in truth with kindness at this season of life?
Give yourself an overall GRADE:
Grade_________ Date ________
What did this quiz reveal to you about your skill set of confronting?
( BUY Learn how to confront Eworkbook on http://heartswithapurpose.com/checkout/)
I said good bye to two of my angel armies, in the flesh, today.
Maybe it’s better to say, I will see them later. They are moving to another state for a job.
But, why does saying goodbye have to hurt so?
Why do loved ones have to move away?
I know they were meant to be in my story. And in a very BIG way.
God used them.
BUT, they were willing!
- I had prayed for years that a God fearing man would confront a man. And God brought the man.
- This man and woman were apart of my safety net.
- They held me up in prayer.
- They listened to me.
- They prayed with me.
- They were safe.
- They sprinkled out love: Fed me, gave me Kleenex for the tears, food for the strengthening, gift cards for gas to keep me coming and going.
- They sat beside me in church. That offered me strength and hope.
- They informed me of the access code to their garage. They told me many times I could come over anytime, day or night. Their home was a respite for me, free from toxicity, a safe place to stop, weep, or sit quietly on their porch and hear a U.S. flag flap. Or to help them in the watering of their pink hydrangea flowers or black eyed Susan’s. It gave me a sense of purpose. Being needed where there was order, stability, peace, and growth. It touched me. Refueled me. Helped me to view my life as upside down. It was, just that, my life. Elsewhere there was peace.
- They read hours of chuck-filled, pain-filled emails. Took many of my cell calls.
- They listened as anger flexed up and down with my questioning God, how much longer, and the mounting frustration of nothing changing for the good within the house on the hill.
- They empowered me, kept me in step, and kept me believing God was alive.
- They were my life-line to the outside world. Reality. This is crucial for women in abuse.
- 14. They were apart of my journey to expose deception and abuse.
- How can it not be hard to say goodbye?
Lives reach out, touch, and get involved in the messiness of one’s life. Forever, I will be grateful to God and to them. (THANK YOU, Lord!) “ There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—
2 A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
5 A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
6 A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Today was a time to say goodbye to two of God’s gifts nearby that helped changed my life for the better!
Women are bumping-up next to toxic individuals in all areas of life.
Don’t be surprised when you encounter toxic individuals in your family, church, ministry, community activity, and in places of employment.
If we are not wise and cautious we can grow unhealthy relationship tendencies like toxic individuals.
A reminder, there are toxic women as well!
Two important reminders for you with toxicity:
- It is a consistent pattern that the toxic person does repetitively.
- It is the same individual or group that keeps doing the same thing toward you.
Toxic people like to play six cards. WARNINGs to watch out for!
Minimize the issue.
Shame you. You should do this. You need to. (They may or may not point their finger at you. Nevertheless their words are directed at you that this is your issue.)
- Change up the topic that you address and you never ever can finish the topic for a healthy outcome.
You do not hear empathy come from them… like (I am sorry.)
How can I encourage you on?
What stands out to you?
Discover and Build Your LIFE on YOUR Strengths
I will teach you how to step into your talents and grow them to be your strengths!
Receive Encouragement, Empowerment, Equipping.
Tele-course starting Monday, Sept 11th. Call in from anywhere!
6:30 EST-8:00 EST
Do you know your five raw talents?
Are you building your life from your core strengths? Listen in how this course changed one woman’s life. Listen in!
“You will be most successful in whatever you do by building your life around your greatest natural abilities rather than your weaknesses. Your talents should be your primary focus!” Authors of Living Your Strengths!
This life changing course is only $197.00. Early registration by Aug. 31st and save $40.00= $157.00 Sign up today, Darlene@Heartswithapurpose.com
Or join with a girlfriend and each pay $175.00. Payment plans are an option!
This 5 week course offers teaching and coaching with one private email coaching per week. This is the most cost savings way to receive coaching. Total teaching, coaching, and course package valued at $800.00.
Purchase the book on your own and take the test on line ($20.00). Get reading. Sign up today!
Hi Friends, Today I have been penning a magazine article on how to grow joy! Here is a snippet of it.
I longed for joy. The kind you see in women’s eyes that shine. Their cheeks glow and a fountain of calmness bubbles out filled with joy. They are powered up by an internal force as they invite and allow Christ to reign within, to make a difference with their life.
I had begged God for years for my own joy in this land of the living. When I was in my mid 40’s I had told God I was sick and tired of living out the first part of John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10, NIV). I craved the full life, the abundant life. Peace. Passion. Purpose. But my life was more like a war zone. And my heart had bullet holes to prove it. I hated my life. Yet I hated death more so. Within three years I had seen death snatch and steal two lives. First, my father and then my youngest brother dead to heart attacks. Plus my secret of the abusive marriage grew.
When my brother died I asked the Lord if that were me in the casket, what would people believe about my life? What was my life legacy? My answer grieved me and my heart split from the duplicity. People would believe two things. And both were lies.
And within 40 days I became parent less, spouse-less, homeless, and childless since the teens chose to move with their father.
Next, I had to walk through the door ways of Friend of the Court, Bankruptcy Court (women in abuse get this-$abuse) and Divorce Court. What a mess!
Joy? Not yet. I knew I had to grow in the attitude of giving thanks. I was weak there. I needed to purposefully give thanks.
So I began.
In my little condo nest I gave thanks. I wrote thanks. I spoke thanks. When I saw my children, I thanked God I could see them, even if it was for one hour. (OH, how I missed them and love them.)
I thanked God when each month’s condo rent was paid.
I thanked God I was no longer ignored.
I thanked God I could walk on trails.
I thanked God I had a little business, enough to float me.
I thanked God there was peace in the condo.
I thanked God I could laugh.
And I kept on giving thanks…to grow joy.
Three points to grow joy in your life.
- Obedience is key. In order to obey the Word, we need to know the Word so we can apply the Word. But, the key to transformational living is to walk the Word out. That grows joy. For example:
++Romans 8:28 says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (NIV). Can God work out your pain and mine for good? And to bring joy from it? Indeed.
++“Rejoice always, “ (1 Thessalonians 5:16, NIV). Even in the midst of pain? The Word says, rejoice!
++“ Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance” (James 1:2-3, NIV) Count it all joy, friends. We all face heart ache. But it is up to each of us to decide. Will be obey what God says or not?
You are responsible if you grow in joy. If you are waiting for circumstances to change or others to fill you, you could be waiting all of your life. So what will it be for you? Jesus. Obedience. You?
What do you think? Was this helpful for you to begin to step to grow joy?
Speaking God’s Word and taking your mind captive. This was my Go-To-Verse to begin to cut out the fear in my life!
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.“ 2 Timothy 1:7(KJV)
Grow those instead of fear.
Here are more truths for you to fight off fear:
Is there a good fear? Yes
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of
wisdom; A good understanding have all those
who do His commandments; (Psalm 111:10a, NASB)
Does the bad fear come from God? No
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but
of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7, ESV)
3. What do I do with sudden fear? “Do not be afraid of sudden fear. Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; For the LORD will be your confidence. And will keep your foot from being caught. (Proverbs 3:25-26, NASB)
4. What does bad fear produce? “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (1 John 4:18, ESV)
5. Can other people produce fear in my life? Yes. “It is better to take refuge in the LORD. Than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the LORD Than to trust in princes. Psalm 118:8-9 (NASB)
6. What does fear take from me? Peace, focus, hope, joy, to name a few. “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” (John 14:27, NASB).
7. Can fear stop me from living out my purpose? Yes, it can. The opposite of fear is faith. “And without faith it is impossible to please Him,” (Hebrews 11:6, NASB).
8. Who can help me shrink the fear factor? God, and focusing on Truth. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9, NASB)
9. Is it possible to live a life without fear? Yes. “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13, NASB)
What verse can you apply today?