Recently during a lifeplan facilitation
a client asked, Darlene how can you be so happy? Usually you have a smile on your face yet I know you have gone through tremendous loss. How can you be happy?
Her question caught me off guard, since I ask the questions during lifeplans. Yet, I welcome women to ask me what is on their mind.
First, I gave her one quick answer. Then I thought no, there are two answers. And now, I add on one more.
God is my source for everything in my life.
- Hebrews 12:2a “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith…” It is my choice where I will focus. When my life was collapsing I felt like the old Nursery Rhyme character, Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall and Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again. My life looked like that and felt like that. While being in my mid-40s to late 40s. Now what, God? AND GOD DID. Healed a broken heart and does restore and replenish all that the locust stole from me. Faithful GOD!
- PRAYER…I told God I was sick and tired of the enemy stealing from my life. He robbed me of so much. Then I asked God for the rest of John 10:10. I wanted the last part, “ The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10, NASB)
A smile on my face is because Jesus died for me. He has given me so much, Himself. Contentment. Joy. Peace. Love and loved well by a great Holy God. Purpose. His Holy Spirit. Life. Focus. Health. Relationships. And even a surprise love gift, a man called Bill, my husband. Love doing life with him and with our loved ones together.
A second chance at life, plus to coach and teach His Word to women and to love well to the end.
God has enriched and enlarged my heart. Try God out. He is trustworthy. Contact me Darlene@Heartswithapurpose.com to be coached with this verse as the backdrop. God is for you dear one. So am I.
- Change ups-daily, weekly,
- Fear is fed to her
- Doubt is spun into her thought life
- She shrinks inward
- She is led to believe it is her fault
- She easily is confused.
- She is blamed.
- She is ignored.
- She is criticized.
So if you are involved in an abusive relationship, whether it is girlfriend to girlfriend, daughter to mother, wife to husband, colleague to colleague, women’s ministry leader to women’s ministry leader, abuse is on the rise.
How does abuse make you feel?
What have you tried?
Three beginning tips for you to survive.
- Focus on the truth.
- Learn to step away when a person turns IT on you.
- Do NOT pick up their problem.
Need more help? I am rooting for you. I am the go to coach for women in toxic relationships to discover freedom to live out their life purpose. Email me, Darlene@heartswithapurpose.com
Enable me Lord to shift—from comparing my life to others
… to compare my life to your standard, the Word.
For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.
(2 Corinthians 10:12, KJV)
Comparison inched its way into my life when I was in my early teens. I had one friend that was my idol. She had the perfect figure, you know, the kind in the 70’s where she was a #10. She rode my bus. And it seemed like every weekend she hit the mall because on Mondays, the fashion queen herself had on a brand new outfit.
Then there was Jane in high school. She seemed to get an A+ in English, in grammar, in vocabulary, in Algebra. I doubt she ever studied.
Then there was Kelly at church. She knew the Bible and oh, so well!
So who didn’t I compare myself to?
Yet, where did the comparing get me? It sowed in me an addictive thought pattern and an A+ in low self-esteem. And this is not to make an excuse for my sin of comparison, as it was sin. But I had an elevated sensitivity to comparison for many years.
I looked over at others life as a gauge. Mentally, I observed, listened, like the silent observer, yet all the time spinning questions. What was wrong with my then marriage? Why was it not going forward? I couldn’t put my finger on the answer and I had a sin stronghold of comparison. It was sinful and sin filled!
By the time I got to my 40s I was sick of this sin. It left me mentally worse off. When I looked at my BFF’s life, which was pretty darn good, I knew the sick game of comparison could destroy our friendship.
Convicted, I chose to stop comparing. Then I read, For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.
My aim was to become a wise woman, so I chose to compare myself to the Word, God’s standard. So whenever I began to compare my life to someone else’s today, I STOP! I pray blessings for them. Try it on!
Who or what do you compare?
Are you so sick of it that you will ask God to help you break free of this sin?
When will you start this by?
Pray instead of compare.
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- Email Darlene@Heartswithapurpose.com for a 20 minute complimentary coaching session!
“I wept. I craved. I hurt and longed for someone, anyone, to get the depth of my pain and the agony from verbal and emotional abuse. “
The Word of God is my backbone, my support system, and my bread of life!
I coach women back to the Truth or my reference book is the Bible.
It’s truth. It’s alive. It’s redemptive. It heals the wounds. And sets a woman up to live freedom’s way–fully alive!
If you long for someone to understand you, sow this verse to the chambers of your heart!
“O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar” (Psalm 139:1-2, NASB).
Contact Darlene@heartswithapurpose.com for a complimentary 20 minute coaching session!
Be blessed today. God Understands YOU!
I asked a lady why she was so fearful to step through the doorway into a woman’s class. She said, “I have been hurt by women.”
Since then I have coached many women that have been hurt by their mom, their stepmom, their grandmother, an aunt, a sister, a long time ago female friendship, or you name one, maybe a colleague. Women are gun shy. Yet, many women still long to reconnect or connect with a like-minded female friend to talk and do life with.
What qualities do you look for in a friendship with a woman? (BTW, I hope you already have the qualities you want in a friend.) If not, then maybe this list will help you strengthen your backbone to love well, as you wait, seek, and look for a girlfriend.
Thank you to women that added to my list!
- Know what you want in a friendship
- Grow the friendship slow—I have stood on the sidelines and watched women suck up to each other way too fast, way too much, and way too soon. Then it blows up! (Women or men are not meant to fill us up or fuel us.)
- Genuine or sincere
- Loyal…no gossip
- Some humor
- Same values – God.
- She is for me—not jealous
- Mutual reciprocity in doing and asking
- Willing to take time to invest in a relationship and with Boundaries!
- Communicates well
- Does not assume “you will be her ALL”. She has a family, jobs, and responsibilities, so time is limited.
- LOVES well
- Good listener
- Be on the alert for chameleons. Watch for gaps in their story. They say one thing, but do another. And watch for blaming or excusing.
- You encourage each other’s spiritual growth.
- She allows you to be you.
- She allows you to have other friends.
- Peace is present.
Girlfriends are NOT to take the place of God.
And, you do not own your girlfriend.
They are a gift from God. Enjoy them! Love them! Surrender them! Embrace life with them or without them.
The BEST thing you can do for yourself as a woman is GROW up! I say that in love and in wholeness talk.
THIS LIST IS based on my knowledge and insight that I have learned over the last 45 years of my life. I have been involved with women all my life, with sisters as family members, then in my career as a teacher, involved in women ministries in my church, led and attended many Bible studies with women, coach training with women, and coaching women. I have heard women’s stories for many years but as a Life Coach the last ten years. I have heard expectations (realistic and unrealistic) of women friendships, the blessings, and the challenges.
Email Darlene@heartswithapurpose.com to be coached to have healthy girlfriend relationships.
I had the opportunity to visit with a 28 year old blond, sweet, single, female nursing student, on a flight from Minnesota to Denver. Our conversation went from the reason of our trip, to jobs, family, and on to our favorite authors and Bible studies.
In time, our topic turned to that of relationships, especially with men. We talked about how do you know who to date? And what to look for in a great man?
This blog post idea is birthed from that conversation. Yet, I have coached women on this topic beforehand. On Friday I will post a list about what to look for in a healthy girlfriend friendship, woman to woman.
30 suggestions and tips that empower women.
Grow you. That means investigate you and become all that you were meant to be.
Know what you want in a man.
- Go slow.
- Listen well.
- Take stock in the BIG picture.
- Ask tough questions (I will be glad to share that post if you like.)
- Be on the alert for chameleons. Narcissistic individuals.
- Heavy on the flattery, caring, over the top.
- Love bombing. They know just what to say. Google the word if you do not know.
- Watch for gaps in their story. They say one thing, but do another.
- Watch for blaming or excusing their life away.
- Check out their work background. Length of jobs? Types of Jobs?
- Check out their body language when you ask questions. Did you know police know how to tell when people lie?
- Read the Bible. The book of Proverbs teaches about the fool vs. wise man or woman.
- When/if you meet family, check them out well. Do stories line up?
- Do life in all events that interest you both. Hike, ski, go to plays, read, walk, talk, exercise, do things you want to do.
- Talk about things you want to talk about.
- Talk through a difficult situation or topic.
- Ask any question.
- What do you hear about their past dates?
Trust time as a process.
- Voice what you want. Make sure follow through occurs.
- Watch for immaturity in items they buy. Does it fit their age level?
- Do your futures mesh?
- You do grow spiritually with this person.
- This person is for you and your dreams.
- Humor is used in a good way.
- They get what you want—a hamburger, a slice of pizza, or a simple item, like a favorite coffee.
- They allow you to be you and have your friends.
- You are compatible.
- Peace is present.
- Absolutely, no sex. That only tangles up a relationship. God’s ways work.
This is only 30 suggestions... and I am certain there are more. The BEST thing you can do for yourself as a single woman is GROW…
(And of course you also are a healthy person from the inside out.)
THIS LIST IS based on knowledge and insight that I have learned over the last 35 years of my life. I have been involved with women all my life with sisters as family members, then in my career as a teacher, involved in women ministries in my church, led and attended many Bible studies with women, coach training with women, and coaching women. I have heard women’s stories for many years, but specifically as a Life Coach the last ten years.
I have heard expectations (realistic and unrealistic) of marriages and the blessings and the challenges. I also have a vast knowledge of men who portray themselves as caring, charismatic, loving, sincere to other women and men, yet to the woman they marry, they’re none other than controllers and abusive. ( I also know women can be abusive as well.)
Abuse is growing . So ladies, be wise. Devour good books on God, growth, healthy relationships, and the Bible.
Email Darlene@heartswithapurpose.com to learn more about coaching sessions that will empower you to have healthy relationships.
I thank God for using me, in-spite of me, and for discernment, insight, and wisdom, as I coach, speak, and teach to audiences of women.
6.20.17 Darlene has been such a gift to me! She walked beside me through a difficult season in my life and she never gave up on me. She prayed for me and coached me with love and gentleness
. By the end of our sessions together I had reached a place of peace and empowermen t that I’ve not known before. I am so grateful for her in my life! Julie Quinn.
6.14.17 Darlene (founder of Hearts with a Purpose) is an amazing woman of God with a heart for women! Her compassion
and love goes far beyond what my words could ever express. Darlene was our key speaker at Covenant Point Bible Camp in Iron River, Michigan. She had us captivated by her teaching and also encouragin g us not to just stay where we are, but what were we going to do about situations in our lives that would help us follow through with God’s purpose in our lives…ul timately glorifying God! I feel so honored to know and love Darlene! She is a 10 in my book!!! Janice M
5.19.17 Loved life coaching with Darlene. Very passionate about helping women to find their life purpose. Keep stepping! Stephanie
5.21.17 Darlene is an excellent life coach. She tells it like it is with gentleness and love. She has such a huge heart for women – all around really nice Jesus Girl! Cathy B.
5.2017 Thank you so much for this e-mail for Mother’s Day. I needed to hear this right now! Laurie
6.2017 I just finished reading your email that arrived today. It was an eye-opener for me as you concluded with your story of praying John 10:10 for your life…The story is long and I don’t really need to tell you all of it.However as I finished reading your blog, I realized John 10:10 is the prayer we need to begin to use daily. Thank you for your encouragement. Judy
6.1.17 I just read both of the devos (may come with a coaching package) you sent. I don’t know that I have read anything that I can relate to and that hits so hard. I’m going to reread later. Michelle S
4.21.17 Darlene is passionate about helping women find their purpose. She is skilled at helping women set goals and follow through. Her passion for life is evident the moment you meet her. Darlene’s “no nonsense” approach is direct yet loving. Rachael L.
” In the morning, O Lord, You will hear my voice; In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch. ” Psalm 5:3
At one time in my life I lived with a daily diet of doubt. There was so much chaos, change-ups, turbulence, and uncertainty in the home that I began to doubt God heard my prayers, since they were not answered (my way).
For example, I was told something would occur but it rarely came to fruition. Doubt cast. Change ups were the norm. Follow through rarely.
If you live in an environment of abuse, you wonder who is telling the truth and who do you trust?
For me, I put my hand on my Bible one day, and said “God you are either real or not. And I am banking my life that you are real and what you said in this book of yours is true. I will trust you are telling me the truth, since you are Truth. “And then I began to add verses into my heart by the day.
Perseverance Pays OFF! And God does want us to learn that character quality, endurance!
I doubted He heard.
I doubted He cared.
I doubted He would help me turn my life around for good and that He would come through for me.
I already prayed,( like Psalm 5:3) says, but, I needed to change up the way I went into prayer.
I now believed and expected God to lead me and show me the way. When I got done praying I looked for His answers throughout my day…expectantly, anticipating, and He has led me each step to freedom’s way.
Coaching women (over their cell, skype, or face to face) that are stuck in toxicity to discover freedom to live out their life purpose.
Facilitating a 2-Day strategic lifeplan this week.
He provided beautiful weather, safety, food, good health, a cell, emails, hugs, tears, words of love and in many many other ways. God shows up. Expect! Dig into the Word to begin with!
2. Then look up and pay attention to see Him at work in your life! He is alive and wanting you to want Him. Take on the day dear friend. Love to hear from you. Contact me at Darlene@heartswithapurpose.com
There are four major things I believe women desire and I am certain there are more,
but these four I think run up to the top of her ladder of life.
I would love your thoughts on these four…Darlene@heartswithapurpose.com
Women want something or someone that’s the same, stable, constant, and changeless. Yet, there is only one true source where true solid security comes from. Everything else in life will change. Everything.
People, jobs, homes, bodies, children, you name it.
Whether divorce or death. Cancer or car accidents. Jobs or joblessness. Money or no money. True security is found only in Jesus. It’s knowing and anchoring yourself to Father God who is changeless.
Hebrews 13:8 says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today, yes and forever.”
And Malachi 3:6 in the NASB says,“For I, the Lord, do not change;.” Jesus is the same, constant, changeless, loving, faithful Son of God. Day in and day out.
How’s that to be a faithful Father?