This is how!
I believe in God. I believe in the Word of God, the Bible. And I believe God created me. I also recognize I am a sinner. And saved because of Jesus Christ’s selfless love and for taking my punishment and shedding his blood for me on Calvary. By receiving Him as my Savior, I became His child, and the Holy Spirit resides within me.
This blog is dedicated to what the Holy Spirit can do in and through a believers life if we stay submitted to the Lord and obey Him.
Jesus was my HOW and WAY!
Easy? No. Hard? Yes. Pain filled? Yes. Perfect? No, only Jesus is.
But Truth wins and God’s ways work.
It’s S-T-R-E-T-C-H and GROW time!
I am so excited to offer this BRAND NEW coaching group devotional time.
I invite you to JOIN ME! S-T-R-E-T-C-H and GROW with Coach Darlene.
It will take place in a private Facebook Coaching Page. There you will receive a daily devotional from my book, Enable me, Lord, to shift. Are you stuck in idle? Learn how to shift into Truth—and live!
Each devotional contains, one verse, a short story, with three coaching questions for you to answer. Sow the truth into your heart and shift into Truth—and live! In September the devotionals will deal with the spiritual domain of our life. In other words, how is your relationship with God? Are you growing spiritually?
You will learn:
- God’s Word, one verse at a time
- Learn what it looks like to apply the verse through a short story.
- Three coaching questions for you to answer and then to begin to apply the verse to your life.
- Private Facebook Group so you can be encouraged with other women responding to their daily devotional.
- I will post once a day to encourage you along!
- And for one hour in the month of September I will offer a Coach Call to the entire group.
- All of this is for $30.00 for one month! What fun! Join me! Darlene@Heartswithapurpose.com
Here is a sample of a devotional for you to read.
Enable me, Lord, to Shift—from thinking I started our relationship
. . . when You, my Father, have been drawing me
No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him . . .John 6:44a NASB
God is the Creator and master designer of our lives. If we are deceived into believing that our spiritual relationship begins with us, it puffs us up and puts us in a self-righteous position. A better than God mentality. The scripture is clear No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him . . .
Here are snapshots of how God drew me.
I was in His plan and you are too. He allowed my parents to conceive and they delivered a third daughter. I grew, and my mom took me to Sunday school and church. By reciting the Lord’s Prayer during church the Word began to be sown into my heart. And during Vacation Bible School I learned the books of the Bible, so I could win in a sword drill game. Not the best motive, but none the less I began to open up my Bible. And God kept feeding His Word into my life as several Bibles were gifted to me throughout my growing up years.
Then a painful life-reality hit. Death. I had two questions for God, will I see Grandma again? How do I know I will go to heaven? I was 12 years old and God was on the hunt for a soul—mine.
Life zipped on. Before I went off to college my basketball coach challenged me, “Read your Bible,” what a God-sign, No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him…
I knew there was a God and that the world didn’t just happen, and I didn’t come from a monkey. Just study the intricacies of our bodies. And the inner craving and longing to make sense with our lives are tell-tale signs of a divine purpose. After all He knows the number of hairs on my head, where I live, what my life purpose is, and when I’ll take my last breath. Why would I not want a relationship with my Creator?
· Have you thought your relationship started with you seeking God, first?
· Write down people, camps, vacation bible school, books, verses, experiences, and songs that pointed you to Jesus.
· What do your answers tell you about His desire for you to be in a relationship with Him?
Let me know how this empowered you, friend? Learn with me. I count it a privilege.
“Do not be too ready to do, just be.”
“This is one of the marks of a truly safe person: they are confrontable.”
― Henry Cloud, Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t
As a youngster, I recall getting off the school bus and entering the farmhouse. My Mom was
busy making and baking food for her family. Five kids rushed in to jabber. Who would get
listened to? I don’t recall, but I doubt it was me. I tended to be passive. Other voices were louder.
In my home my parents didn’t argue much and if they did, they handled their issues behind
closed doors. So, as an adult, I was clueless how to confront for a healthy outcome. Once
married and after voicing simple requests day after day, year after year that were ignored, I
recoiled and stuffed the mounting frustration and anger.
When I did confront, I was browbeaten down with a raised voice, red face, and/or accusations
that I was judging or self-righteous by asking simple questions. Others words and reactions
bowled me over. Confused, I bowed in fear.
I continued to hide the reactions to situations that
made me uncomfortable since I was not listened to. Scenes and situations piled up inside of
me. Yet scripture says, “but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him
who is the head, even Christ” (Ephesians 4:15, NASB). And it was time for me to grow up!
Is it possible to confront without fear? Yes, it is.
Is it possible to confront in love? Yes, it is.
Is it possible to tell the truth, even though it might hurt someone, yet do it with kindness?
Yes, it is.
Is it possible to avoid confrontation all together in life? No, it’s not.
necessary that we learn how to confront and do it in a healthy way. Then we can live fear-free of
confronting people. Stand tall when you confront!
First, let’s assess your confrontation capabilities.
Any grade, A, B, C, D, E, F
1. I know how to stand up for myself. _____
2. I know how to keep my mind focused when a confrontation arises. _____
3. I know how to actively listen. _____
4. I know how to speak the truth with kindness. _____
5. I know how to say, “No.” _____
6. I know how to focus when others speak lies or go on the attack. _____
7. I know how to address a controlling and angry person. _____
8. I know how to keep my body language under control during a confrontation. _____
9. I know how to face the person and voice purposeful intentional words. _____
10. I know how to walk away from a confrontation and be well, even if the other
person does not agree with me. _____
How well do you confront in truth with kindness at this season of life?
Give yourself an overall GRADE:
Grade_________ Date ________
What did this quiz reveal to you about your skill set of confronting?
( BUY Learn how to confront Eworkbook on http://heartswithapurpose.com/checkout/)
I said good bye to two of my angel armies, in the flesh, today.
Maybe it’s better to say, I will see them later. They are moving to another state for a job.
But, why does saying goodbye have to hurt so?
Why do loved ones have to move away?
I know they were meant to be in my story. And in a very BIG way.
God used them.
BUT, they were willing!
- I had prayed for years that a God fearing man would confront a man. And God brought the man.
- This man and woman were apart of my safety net.
- They held me up in prayer.
- They listened to me.
- They prayed with me.
- They were safe.
- They sprinkled out love: Fed me, gave me Kleenex for the tears, food for the strengthening, gift cards for gas to keep me coming and going.
- They sat beside me in church. That offered me strength and hope.
- They informed me of the access code to their garage. They told me many times I could come over anytime, day or night. Their home was a respite for me, free from toxicity, a safe place to stop, weep, or sit quietly on their porch and hear a U.S. flag flap. Or to help them in the watering of their pink hydrangea flowers or black eyed Susan’s. It gave me a sense of purpose. Being needed where there was order, stability, peace, and growth. It touched me. Refueled me. Helped me to view my life as upside down. It was, just that, my life. Elsewhere there was peace.
- They read hours of chuck-filled, pain-filled emails. Took many of my cell calls.
- They listened as anger flexed up and down with my questioning God, how much longer, and the mounting frustration of nothing changing for the good within the house on the hill.
- They empowered me, kept me in step, and kept me believing God was alive.
- They were my life-line to the outside world. Reality. This is crucial for women in abuse.
- 14. They were apart of my journey to expose deception and abuse.
- How can it not be hard to say goodbye?
Lives reach out, touch, and get involved in the messiness of one’s life. Forever, I will be grateful to God and to them. (THANK YOU, Lord!) “ There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—
2 A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
5 A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
6 A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Today was a time to say goodbye to two of God’s gifts nearby that helped changed my life for the better!
Women are bumping-up next to toxic individuals in all areas of life.
Don’t be surprised when you encounter toxic individuals in your family, church, ministry, community activity, and in places of employment.
If we are not wise and cautious we can grow unhealthy relationship tendencies like toxic individuals.
A reminder, there are toxic women as well!
Two important reminders for you with toxicity:
- It is a consistent pattern that the toxic person does repetitively.
- It is the same individual or group that keeps doing the same thing toward you.
Toxic people like to play six cards. WARNINGs to watch out for!
Minimize the issue.
Shame you. You should do this. You need to. (They may or may not point their finger at you. Nevertheless their words are directed at you that this is your issue.)
- Change up the topic that you address and you never ever can finish the topic for a healthy outcome.
You do not hear empathy come from them… like (I am sorry.)
How can I encourage you on?
What stands out to you?
Discover and Build Your LIFE on YOUR Strengths
I will teach you how to step into your talents and grow them to be your strengths!
Receive Encouragement, Empowerment, Equipping.
Tele-course starting Monday, Sept 11th. Call in from anywhere!
6:30 EST-8:00 EST
Do you know your five raw talents?
Are you building your life from your core strengths? Listen in how this course changed one woman’s life. http://heartswithapurpose.com/portfolio/show-n-tell-coaching-video/
“You will be most successful in whatever you do by building your life around your greatest natural abilities rather than your weaknesses. Your talents should be your primary focus!” Authors of Living Your Strengths!
This life changing course is only $197.00. Early registration by Aug. 31st and save $40.00= $157.00 Sign up today, Darlene@Heartswithapurpose.com
Or join with a girlfriend and each pay $175.00. Payment plans are an option!
This 5 week course offers teaching and coaching with one private email coaching per week. This is the most cost savings way to receive coaching. Total teaching, coaching, and course package valued at $800.00.
Purchase the book on your own and take the test on line ($20.00). Get reading. Sign up today!
Hi Friends, Today I have been penning a magazine article on how to grow joy! Here is a snippet of it.
I longed for joy. The kind you see in women’s eyes that shine. Their cheeks glow and a fountain of calmness bubbles out filled with joy. They are powered up by an internal force as they invite and allow Christ to reign within, to make a difference with their life.
I had begged God for years for my own joy in this land of the living. When I was in my mid 40’s I had told God I was sick and tired of living out the first part of John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10, NIV). I craved the full life, the abundant life. Peace. Passion. Purpose. But my life was more like a war zone. And my heart had bullet holes to prove it. I hated my life. Yet I hated death more so. Within three years I had seen death snatch and steal two lives. First, my father and then my youngest brother dead to heart attacks. Plus my secret of the abusive marriage grew.
When my brother died I asked the Lord if that were me in the casket, what would people believe about my life? What was my life legacy? My answer grieved me and my heart split from the duplicity. People would believe two things. And both were lies.
And within 40 days I became parent less, spouse-less, homeless, and childless since the teens chose to move with their father.
Next, I had to walk through the door ways of Friend of the Court, Bankruptcy Court (women in abuse get this-$abuse) and Divorce Court. What a mess!
Joy? Not yet. I knew I had to grow in the attitude of giving thanks. I was weak there. I needed to purposefully give thanks.
So I began.
In my little condo nest I gave thanks. I wrote thanks. I spoke thanks. When I saw my children, I thanked God I could see them, even if it was for one hour. (OH, how I missed them and love them.)
I thanked God when each month’s condo rent was paid.
I thanked God I was no longer ignored.
I thanked God I could walk on trails.
I thanked God I had a little business, enough to float me.
I thanked God there was peace in the condo.
I thanked God I could laugh.
And I kept on giving thanks…to grow joy.
Three points to grow joy in your life.
- Obedience is key. In order to obey the Word, we need to know the Word so we can apply the Word. But, the key to transformational living is to walk the Word out. That grows joy. For example:
++Romans 8:28 says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (NIV). Can God work out your pain and mine for good? And to bring joy from it? Indeed.
++“Rejoice always, “ (1 Thessalonians 5:16, NIV). Even in the midst of pain? The Word says, rejoice!
++“ Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance” (James 1:2-3, NIV) Count it all joy, friends. We all face heart ache. But it is up to each of us to decide. Will be obey what God says or not?
You are responsible if you grow in joy. If you are waiting for circumstances to change or others to fill you, you could be waiting all of your life. So what will it be for you? Jesus. Obedience. You?
What do you think? Was this helpful for you to begin to step to grow joy?
Speaking God’s Word and taking your mind captive. This was my Go-To-Verse to begin to cut out the fear in my life!
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.“ 2 Timothy 1:7(KJV)
Grow those instead of fear.
Here are more truths for you to fight off fear:
Is there a good fear? Yes
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of
wisdom; A good understanding have all those
who do His commandments; (Psalm 111:10a, NASB)
Does the bad fear come from God? No
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but
of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7, ESV)
3. What do I do with sudden fear? “Do not be afraid of sudden fear. Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; For the LORD will be your confidence. And will keep your foot from being caught. (Proverbs 3:25-26, NASB)
4. What does bad fear produce? “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (1 John 4:18, ESV)
5. Can other people produce fear in my life? Yes. “It is better to take refuge in the LORD. Than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the LORD Than to trust in princes. Psalm 118:8-9 (NASB)
6. What does fear take from me? Peace, focus, hope, joy, to name a few. “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” (John 14:27, NASB).
7. Can fear stop me from living out my purpose? Yes, it can. The opposite of fear is faith. “And without faith it is impossible to please Him,” (Hebrews 11:6, NASB).
8. Who can help me shrink the fear factor? God, and focusing on Truth. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9, NASB)
9. Is it possible to live a life without fear? Yes. “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13, NASB)
What verse can you apply today?
Piercings from Abuse
Emotional, Mental, Spiritual, Physical, Sexual … the abuse violates the core of a woman’s soul. Where does she turn? Who does she trust? Where does she begin?
I turned to my main man, God. He is the real deal, friends.
These are questions I asked God. And these are the verses I landed on and lived from. Sow these truths into your heart!
1. Will God hear me? Yes, He will. “For the LORD hears the needy And does not despise His who are prisoners.
(Psalm 69:33, NASB)
- Who will help me step out of the abuse? God will, and find a trusted woman friend, counselor, or contact Darlene for coaching, Darlene@Heartswithapurpose.com “But I am afflicted and needy; Hasten to me, O God! You are my help and my deliverer; O LORD, do not delay. (Psalm 70:5, NASB)
3. What good can come from abuse? As hard as it is to believe, something will, BUT ONLY if you allow God’s leading to the what and the how. For me…I learned God’s Word and snuggled up close to the Lord…that is HUGE. ( LET me state here that abuse is evil and wrong.) This is the verse that encouraged me…“It is good for me that I was afflicted, That I may learn Your statutes. (Psalm 119:71, NASB) (Just so you know, I am sorry for your pain. I know it hurts like crazy.)
5. Can other people produce fear in my life? Yes. “It is better to take refuge in the LORD. Than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the LORD Than to trust in princes. (Psalm 118:8-9, NASB) (BTW, the fear monster was huge in my life at one time. Praise God…no longer do I bow to fear.)
7. Will God remember me when only He saw? “For God is not unjust so as to forget your work and the love which you have shown toward His name, in having ministered and in still ministering to the saints. (Hebrews 6:10, NASB)
May these encourage you dear friend. Love to hear from you. Leave a message. Please do not miss out on receiving my complimentary coaching newsletter. Sign up TODAY on the Home page, PLUS ,you will also receive a FREE DOWNLOAD, Learn how to detox from toxic people.
Recently during a lifeplan facilitation
(READ more about lifeplans)
a client asked, Darlene how can you be so happy? Usually you have a smile on your face yet I know you have gone through tremendous loss. How can you be happy?
Her question caught me off guard, since I ask the questions during lifeplans. Yet, I welcome women to ask me what is on their mind.
First, I gave her one quick answer. Then I thought no, there are two answers. And now, I add on one more.
God is my source for everything in my life.
- Hebrews 12:2a “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith…” It is my choice where I will focus. When my life was collapsing I felt like the old Nursery Rhyme character, Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall and Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again. My life looked like that and felt like that. While being in my mid-40s to late 40s. Now what, God? AND GOD DID. Healed a broken heart and does restore and replenish all that the locust stole from me. Faithful GOD!
- PRAYER…I told God I was sick and tired of the enemy stealing from my life. He robbed me of so much. Then I asked God for the rest of John 10:10. I wanted the last part, “ The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10, NASB)
A smile on my face is because Jesus died for me. He has given me so much, Himself. Contentment. Joy. Peace. Love and loved well by a great Holy God. Purpose. His Holy Spirit. Life. Focus. Health. Relationships. And even a surprise love gift, a man called Bill, my husband. Love doing life with him and with our loved ones together.
A second chance at life, plus to coach and teach His Word to women and to love well to the end.
God has enriched and enlarged my heart. Try God out. He is trustworthy. Contact me Darlene@Heartswithapurpose.com to be coached with this verse as the backdrop. God is for you dear one. So am I.
- Change ups-daily, weekly,
- Fear is fed to her
- Doubt is spun into her thought life
- She shrinks inward
- She is led to believe it is her fault
- She easily is confused.
- She is blamed.
- She is ignored.
- She is criticized.
So if you are involved in an abusive relationship, whether it is girlfriend to girlfriend, daughter to mother, wife to husband, colleague to colleague, women’s ministry leader to women’s ministry leader, abuse is on the rise.
How does abuse make you feel?
What have you tried?
Three beginning tips for you to survive.
- Focus on the truth.
- Learn to step away when a person turns IT on you.
- Do NOT pick up their problem.
Need more help? I am rooting for you. I am the go to coach for women in toxic relationships to discover freedom to live out their life purpose. Email me, Darlene@heartswithapurpose.com