“This is one of the marks of a truly safe person: they are confrontable.”
― Henry Cloud, Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t
As a youngster, I recall getting off the school bus and entering the farmhouse. My Mom was
busy making and baking food for her family. Five kids rushed in to jabber. Who would get
listened to? I don’t recall, but I doubt it was me. I tended to be passive. Other voices were louder.
In my home my parents didn’t argue much and if they did, they handled their issues behind
closed doors. So, as an adult, I was clueless how to confront for a healthy outcome. Once
married and after voicing simple requests day after day, year after year that were ignored, I
recoiled and stuffed the mounting frustration and anger.
When I did confront, I was browbeaten down with a raised voice, red face, and/or accusations
that I was judging or self-righteous by asking simple questions. Others words and reactions
bowled me over. Confused, I bowed in fear.
I continued to hide the reactions to situations that
made me uncomfortable since I was not listened to. Scenes and situations piled up inside of
me. Yet scripture says, “but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him
who is the head, even Christ” (Ephesians 4:15, NASB). And it was time for me to grow up!
Is it possible to confront without fear? Yes, it is.
Is it possible to confront in love? Yes, it is.
Is it possible to tell the truth, even though it might hurt someone, yet do it with kindness?
Yes, it is.
Is it possible to avoid confrontation all together in life? No, it’s not.
necessary that we learn how to confront and do it in a healthy way. Then we can live fear-free of
confronting people. Stand tall when you confront!
First, let’s assess your confrontation capabilities.
Any grade, A, B, C, D, E, F
1. I know how to stand up for myself. _____
2. I know how to keep my mind focused when a confrontation arises. _____
3. I know how to actively listen. _____
4. I know how to speak the truth with kindness. _____
5. I know how to say, “No.” _____
6. I know how to focus when others speak lies or go on the attack. _____
7. I know how to address a controlling and angry person. _____
8. I know how to keep my body language under control during a confrontation. _____
9. I know how to face the person and voice purposeful intentional words. _____
10. I know how to walk away from a confrontation and be well, even if the other
person does not agree with me. _____
How well do you confront in truth with kindness at this season of life?
Give yourself an overall GRADE:
Grade_________ Date ________
What did this quiz reveal to you about your skill set of confronting?