“And in Thy book they were all written, The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them” Psalms 139:16 b.
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(Bringing An Emotional Death to Spiritual Life)
“Who am I?” “Why was I born?” “No one loves me!”
“I hate who I am!”
These words I spoke and wallowed in for most of my life!
“If my family doesn’t love me, who will?” “I’m ugly, fat !”
The pain from those messages cut deep like a sharp knife!
Sexual, physical and emotional abuse plagued me.
So, I turned to men for the approval I desired.
Time and time again that ended in devastating anguish.
“What’s wrong with me?” I frequently and sadly inquired.
Hope became an impossible concept I could never reach.
I hurt so much I just wanted to lay down and die.
I believed there was a God, but thought that He hated me too.
Following the Lord, for me, was just a big fat lie.
Counseling, treatment, weight-loss, everything I tried to fix me.
A rollercoaster of ups and downs my life became.
After marriage, divorce, robberies and displeasures galore,
My conquest had to become a total lifestyle change.
Christian-based counseling gave me permission to voice my pain.
But I continued to teeter on that dark hole’s edge.
Progress was slow, I frequently reverted to past behaviors.
‘til the moment that I stood on the cavities’ ledge.
A divine introduction occurred, by the Pastor at church.
I was told that a teacher was a Life Purpose Coach.
Attending her class was suggested as a first step to take.
It didn’t take long to decide, “It’s time to approach.”
Session one was long and intense with an abundance of tears.
To my wonder and amazement she did not judge me!
God’s love was demonstrated as she referred me to His Word.
I learned that, through His grace and mercy, I could be free.
As I continue to meet with both a counselor and coach,
Joy, peace and security resides with me each day.
Although Satan may attack me with doubts and peeks of the past,
My Father’s unconditional love has final say.
Marie L. Swarts
I appreciate Marie’s poem and sharing her pain and heart with us. Thank you, Marie! Blessings! Darlene