My Pastor recently used a visual illustration in his sermon that was so simple, spot on, and spoke directly to me about what life coaching offers to women, especially the results. I’ll tie in the visual message down in a few paragraphs.
A few years ago I spoke at a retreat and had an “aha” moment right up front. (That does happen! God teaches me at the same time.) If you have been in my audiences you know I do quick surveys of women especially with my talk called “Your Life Matters.” I want the audiences’ input. From their answers at this particular retreat, I learned that women wanted healing in the emotional area of their life. In the big picture I saw their need. So how does a woman get healing in the emotional need of her life?
We do life daily out of seven domains. Domains are areas of our life, like kingdoms, province, realms, or spheres of our life. We are in control of each domain. These seven domains are spiritual, mental, emotional, financial, physical, relational, and vocational.
The majority of women at this retreat rated the emotional domain as in the top three that they needed to address. They also wanted help in the spiritual and relationship domain. However, and a BIG however, the mental domain, meaning their thought life, was not in the top three. I knew right then what I needed to teach.
In order for them to have their emotional area of their life healthier and healed, they must start with the spiritual and mental domains. See, the Bible says that the truth will set us free.
Let’s say we allow our emotions to dictate our day: I don’t feel well, I am tired, I am lonely, I do not feel like anyone cares about me, I don’t have anything to offer, I am sad, I am depressed, I am too old, I am anxious, I am hopeless, I can’t do that, I am not good enough, and they don’t care about me so why should I. On and on we could make a list of our feelings.
And if one of these phrases is controlling your life, may this newsletter dynamite you to take a healthy action step. Feelings are not always bad. God gave us feelings. But, they are not meant to control and dominate our days.
Here is the illustration my Pastor used. Maybe you want to grab a sheet of paper and draw this. Draw three train cars attached to one another. The first car can be the engine of the train. Then a second box car and a third box car. Ready?
On the first car of the engine, write God’s Word. The Word fuels us, as it is the Truth. It is alive and active. Let me speak the Truth into you right now. You were created in God’s image. He loves you. He died for you. He cares for you. He wants a personal relationship with you. He has a plan with your life. He has gifted you. He can use your pain and discomforts for His good if you allow Him. He knows the color of your eyes, what you are thinking, and how many strands of hair you have, and on and on I could go. I have verses to back each of these up. We soak and saturate our mind with the Word, the truth. It transforms our life, as long as we allow it to take ahold and saturate our thinking into action.
On to the second train car, write, FAITH. “It is impossible to please God without faith” Hebrews 11:6. Also the Bible says, “Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, even by itself” James 2:17. Our faith and what we believe will require us to take steps. Faith acts.
Now to the 3rd train car, feelings. That is right. Our feelings come last. Instead of saying, I am sad all the time, I have no joy, I am depressed, I can’t, and I am too old, we shift and have our feelings BOW down to the first train car, the Truth, the WORD of GOD!
1. The engine of our mind is fueled by the Word. That transforms our mental state.
2. Then we step out in Faith and change up our life taking steps of Truth to where we sense God wants us to step.
3. Steps one and two will impact our emotional state. But, it all begins with one baby step.
Here is an example…
Yes, I, Darlene was harried, hurting and hungry, for more of life. I was tired of living in emotional pain and despondency. I got tired of saying, I cannot. I believed God had a purposeful plan for my life and even at midlife. I stated over and over, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13. I stated the Truth and then I stepped out by faith.
Yes, I was very sad. I hurt emotionally. I was stuck. But, the truth is I loved to be with women, teach, speak, coach, and encourage women in the Word. That is my passion. It drives me. So what or how could God use all of that? I headed to coach training and even when I did not know how God was going to pull this all together. We act through Faith and it requires risks.
Next, I had allowed grief to almost consume me. But, who could I help? WOMEN! Yes, I was beaten down mentally, emotionally, relationally, and financially. I did not have JOY.
He rekindled and resurrected the joy of the Lord because I chose to have my life fueled by the Word of God (car train # 1) which transformed my mind, the Truth set me free, and I stepped towards my calling in passion and in vision (FAITH- train car #2) with clarity and focus in spite of fear. (Train car # 3 occurred in my life, JOY, satisfaction, adventure,) and in service with healthy emotions. I marched right towards fear and still am marching.
So what is your emotional state?
What is your first action step towards a life of purpose?
Your life matters.
Are you trapped in lies because a narcissistic individual beat you down in abuse?
1. Take action. Do not allow him or her to control you any longer. As long as you do nothing, he or she takes over your life. It starts with a baby step. Be coached to close the gap to where you are today to where you want to be in one year. What do you want to be doing in one year?
2. How will you get there? Darlene will coach you and hold you accountable to take the steps.
3. The truth will set you free. Darlene knows the Truth and knows what narcissism does to a person.
We have one chance here on earth to be our self.
Three Steps to Motivate Yourself!
Take a recess for YOU, contact Darlene for the conference call number.
Three Steps to Motivate Yourself for the New Year!
1. Name what it is that you do not want to repeat from your past years. Only one thing!
(For example, it may be living in self-pity, chaos, sadness, criticalness, purposelessness, out of balance living, a meaningless job, fear, or you name one.)
2. Ask yourself, what is it that you want instead?
3. So what truth, verse of truth, will empower you to bust through the self-defeating answer of number one that you named.
(For example, for me, I was stuck in fear for so many years. It kept me paralyzed from speaking truth about my life and the pain from what I lived in. I chose this verse in order to begin to step towards what was stopping me. One baby step at a time, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” II Timothy 1:7. I repeatedly stated this verse aloud and went towards what caused me to fear.
I have coached women that were stuck in fear. A few women did not shop for clothing, drive a car to the city, and or shop alone. It brought us a great joy as the women stepped out of their self-protected box and drove, shopped, and ventured towards a purposeful living.
How long will you allow your answer from number one control your life?
What is holding you back from what God offers?
How will you choose to close the gap?
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(Bringing An Emotional Death to Spiritual Life)
“Who am I?” “Why was I born?” “No one loves me!”
“I hate who I am!”
These words I spoke and wallowed in for most of my life!
“If my family doesn’t love me, who will?” “I’m ugly, fat !”
The pain from those messages cut deep like a sharp knife!
Sexual, physical and emotional abuse plagued me.
So, I turned to men for the approval I desired.
Time and time again that ended in devastating anguish.
“What’s wrong with me?” I frequently and sadly inquired.
Hope became an impossible concept I could never reach.
I hurt so much I just wanted to lay down and die.
I believed there was a God, but thought that He hated me too.
Following the Lord, for me, was just a big fat lie.
Counseling, treatment, weight-loss, everything I tried to fix me.
A rollercoaster of ups and downs my life became.
After marriage, divorce, robberies and displeasures galore,
My conquest had to become a total lifestyle change.
Christian-based counseling gave me permission to voice my pain.
But I continued to teeter on that dark hole’s edge.
Progress was slow, I frequently reverted to past behaviors.
‘til the moment that I stood on the cavities’ ledge.
A divine introduction occurred, by the Pastor at church.
I was told that a teacher was a Life Purpose Coach.
Attending her class was suggested as a first step to take.
It didn’t take long to decide, “It’s time to approach.”
Session one was long and intense with an abundance of tears.
To my wonder and amazement she did not judge me!
God’s love was demonstrated as she referred me to His Word.
I learned that, through His grace and mercy, I could be free.
As I continue to meet with both a counselor and coach,
Joy, peace and security resides with me each day.
Although Satan may attack me with doubts and peeks of the past,
My Father’s unconditional love has final say.
Marie L. Swarts
I appreciate Marie’s poem and sharing her pain and heart with us. Thank you, Marie! Blessings! Darlene
I met Darlene Larson three and a half years ago at a conference where she stuck out to me as a warm, authentic and caring personality. Since her schooldays, Darlene has felt the calling to teach, and over the decades it has become crystallized: to women!
Spread over three years, I saw Darlene at an outing of her church’s women’s group, and at two women’s retreats where she was invited as the key speaker. The listeners really profited from the practical wisdom of what she had to share, as she has experienced severe loss herself and found real hope and comfort in the many promises of the living God of the Bible who has revealed himself to mankind in Jesus Christ. She interacted exceedingly well with her audience, by letting them make a personal input, or give a written-down feedback, or ask anonymously pressing questions which would profit everyone. I won’t forget the huge and beautifully formed stainless steel pitcher with an old-fashioned bowl to make her point! She was able to bring concrete examples of our daily life with which each woman could identify, and thus could be helped. She really has been given an open heart for all kinds of women, whether old or young, poor or rich, downtrodden or upbeat, insecure or seemingly secure, and help them to move on: out of “stucksville”, or wherever they are at! Her little five dollar coaching-card-packages with practical questions for special losses and difficulties get one started to think in/towards a more constructive and healing direction. Barbara 58 years old.